Google

Grieving the End of Your Marriage, as You Know it


The pain of finding out that your partner is cheating on you can be the worst pain you'll feel in your entire life. What is happening to you, you may wonder. You are grieving. You are grieving the loss of your marriage as you know it, of the spouse as you knew him or her. You know that although you may heal that nothing will ever be exactly the same.

This is just what happens when you lose someone in death. What can you do to make the pain go away?

Understand what grief is! Understand the stages of grief!

Grief is defined as the emotional depiction of great loss accompanied by a sense of hopelessness, anguish, denial, anger and confusion.

The stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

How each stage feels to you is going to be different than how it feels to another person. Also, the length of time you spend in each phase will differ.

The first stage is denial. When talking about a relationship afflicted by infidelity this stage is usually gone through before you even find out about the affair. You see signs and you ignore them, thinking your partner couldn't possibly have an affair. You basically deny that the warning signs are there. If you found out about the affair suddenly or were ambushed with it then you may also experience denial. This is usually the case when someone comes to you and says that you're partner is having an affair and you say that they are not, they couldn't possibly be.

The next stage is anger. You will be angry! You have every right to be angry! Anger will take many forms and you will be angry at many people. I personally had moments when I was outright ANGRY and he knew it and other moments when I was passive aggressive. I was also angry at a lot of people. I was angry with him for having the affair, I was angry with the other woman, I was angry with all his coworkers that knew about the affair, I was even angry at his parents. Anger can be the hardest phase to get out of. For many people, staying angry is a lot easier than feeling the pain. I would start to hurt when thinking about it and I would then go straight into anger because being angry was easier than feeling the pain.

If your spouse has left you or is going to leave you, you may start bargaining. Bargaining is when you beg. Please don't leave us, what will we do with out you. How will we make it. These are all words of the person who is bargaining.

Depression is the next stage. I think that pretty much everyone knows what depression is and knows how it relates to infidelity.

And finally there is acceptance. You have accepted that it happened, that you can't change that it happened, you are no longer stuck on the WHY and you can finally move towards the future, either with your mate or without.

No one person travels through the stages of grief the same. You do not have to go through the stages in order, nor do you have to go through each phase. What matters is that you find a way to get to acceptance.

If you have decided to leave your relationship because you just can't handle what he/she did to you, I must caution you. You will still feel grief. You will still go through the stages of grief. It is important to get through the stages before beginning another relationship.

You should start doing some things for yourself! When you are grieving it is all too easy to let yourself go. Do not do this. Eat, get sleep, exercise.

Many people find it therapeutic to start doing things for themselves that they didn't do before they found out about the affair. They will join a gym, go on a diet, and develop new friends. Any number of things that ultimately lead to you feeling better about yourself.

Take the time to do something nice for yourself today!

Brandi Simon is the owner of InjuredHearts.com where she offers articles and information for those suffering the effects of an extramarital affair. Brandi is a successful relationship coach, offering guidance to those who wish to move forward in their relationships. Brandi specializes in Infidelity Coaching. Brandi is an affair survivor and offers advice to those who are recovering. To learn more about Brandi, the coaching services, or infidelity in general, please visit http://www.injuredhearts.com.

MORE RESOURCES:

RELATED ARTICLES

Divorce and Uncle Sam: Top 10 Things You Should Know When Filing Your Taxes
1. What is my filing status? (Married, Single, Head of Household) Marital standing at year end determines your filing status for the entire year.
Love and Marriage Fairy Tale
When we were children we believed in fairy tales and happy ever after endings just like Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty and many other fairy tales. However, as we grow older, we soon realise that situations in real life do not always turn out as we would of expected our fairy tale to.
Things To Consider When Making A Decision About Divorce
When making a divorce decision, there are quite a few things that you should consider. Too often people find themselves unable to clearly identify what they need to think about when making a divorce decision which leads to further indecision and frustration.
Divorce: Coping With The Family Law Process
The EmotionsDivorce is a scary, lonely and misunderstood process for most people, particularly when there are children involved. The mutual friends enjoyed during the marriage may not be of help because those individuals may not want to "pick a side.
How Women Should Protect Themselves Financially Regarding Divorce
Women who believe a divorce is a possibility or who think that their husband will be asking about getting a divorce at some point should put their emotions aside and plan "just in case" their intuition is correct that a divorce may be coming in the near future. If women who believe that the "divorce discussion" may be lurking, they should make it a point to look for solid signs that their husband will indeed ask for a divorce.
Too Many Divorces
My oldest boy asked me something the other day about all the news regarding the high divorce rate. I told him there aren't too many divorces, there's too many marriages.
Divorce and Separation - A Child's Perspective
It is always the children that suffer the most when a marriage breaks down and separation or divorce is imminent. Children of divorcing parents often witness arguments even rows and this has a strong effect on any child.
Why Standard Visitation Should NOT Be Standard
When a nuclear family separates, it usually separates into a "custodial" family and a "non-custodial" family. The custodial family is the parent with whom the children reside on a day-to-day basis.
Does Living In A Loveless Marriage Necessarily Mean That You Should Get A Divorce?
Being in a loveless marriage is a frustrating predicament, but it may not necessarily mean that a divorce is eminent. Solving the quandary of a loveless marriage requires self-reflection to assess the situation, courage to try to create a team effort for the best decision with your spouse, and gumption to face the reality that a divorce may be the best solution for the loveless marriage.
Marriage Seperation - A Practical Guide
Finance in marriage seperation is a very big issue particularly with regards to the mortgage and household bills. When marriage seperation is inevitable obviously both parties need somewhere to stay and often it can be quite difficult to sell one property and then try to finance two.
Divorce Makes Us Stronger
My friends call me the "Divorce Poster Child".At the age of 20 I was married, and by 22 I had our first child.
The Legal Side of Divorce
While divorce can be an emotionally draining experience, even in the best of situations, it can also be a complicated legal matter that affects both parties equally. No matter how long your marriage has lasted or how few belongings you share together, it is also best to involve an attorney in your divorce proceedings.
How To Identify What The Question Should I Get a Divorce? Means To You
Deciding about whether you should get a divorce or not is an agonizing experience to go through. If you are asking yourself "should I get a divorce?", you've been thinking about your relationship's state for a while or an isolated incident (an example is an extramarital affair) that occurred was so terrible, that you want to just chuck it all and start over with a new life!If you have been asking yourself "should I get a divorce?" for any length of time, you should figure out what is making you feel that way if you haven't already.
7 Ways to Rediscover Your True Passion after Divorce
Going through a divorce is a very challenging time in a person's life. It is hard to adjust to being single again, as well as living "out of the habit" of being married, especially if you have been married for many, many years.
What Are You Waiting For?
So, you've decided that you're no longer "a couple", but for whatever reason, you and your spouse have decided to stay together "for the sake of the children".Isn't that what the children need? Don't they need the strength of a two parent household in this mad society that we live in? Don't they need the emotional assurance that Mom AND Dad are together? Don't they? Or do they?When my ex and I decided to divorce, we decided that he should probably live in the house with the children and I, for their sakes.
Five Christmas Survival Tips For The Divorced & Single Parent
For the over 50% of marriages that end in divorce, Christmas can be a hugely trying time.Since the season is one of the most stressful times of the year anyway, this onslaught of raw emotion to the divorcee can be overwhelming.
Women And Divorce: How Women Should Protect Themselves Financially Regarding Divorce
Women who believe a divorce is a possibility or who think that their husband will be asking about getting a divorce at some point should put their emotions aside and plan "just in case" their intuition is correct that a divorce may be coming in the near future. If women who believe that the "divorce discussion" may be lurking, they should make it a point to look for solid signs that their husband will indeed ask for a divorce.
Reasons For Divorce; What Constitutes Viable Reasons For Thinking About Or Wanting A Divorce?
According to the Center for Disease Control's National Vital Statistics Report of 2002, 50% of first marriages ended in divorce and 60% of remarriages end in divorce. But, the Center for Disease Control also found that 96% of Americans express a personal desire for marriage, and almost three-quarters of Americans believe marriage is a life long commitment.
Contested And Uncontested Divorce
A divorce case is contested if the parties cannot agree on every one of the issues involved in their particular situation. Common areas of disagreement include, but are not limited to: grounds for divorce, custody of the children, visitation rights, division of the assets of the marriage, child support, maintenance (alimony), payment of family debts, contribution toward educational expenses (college or parochial), payment of health insurance for the dependent spouse, income tax structuring, etcWhen a divorce case is filed, it is given an identification number and is deemed by the court to be a matter that will ultimately require trial time in order to resolve all issues.
An In-Depth Look at Army Divorce Rates
Raleigh, NC-The largest divorce firm in the state, Rosen Law Firm, says they're not surprised by the sharp increase among Army divorce rates and that more needs to be done to counsel the spouses left at home and those deployed overseas."There's a huge difference between typical divorces that we see on a daily basis and the military divorces that we're seeing," says Janet Fritts, a divorce attorney with Rosen Law Firm.